Lise Hosein

The Oakville Problem

February 27, 2029

Dr. Laila Jutras <l.jutras@ugr.gov>

To: Dr. Joren Linklater <joren.linklater@ctr4strategicfutures.org>

RE: Voluntary Human Extinction program

Dr. Linklater, I feel growing anticipation after our conversation about the Voluntary Human Extinction pilot project. And I agree that the town of Oakville feels particularly appropriate as our pilot site. My reasoning includes but is not limited to:

1. Oakville’s affluence and lack of socio-economic complaint;

2. Its abundance of Montessori schools teaching lateral thinking; 

3. Its proximity to a most picturesque lake and attendant swans.

March 3, 2029

Dr. Joren Linklater <joren.linklater@ctr4strategicfutures.org>

To: Dr. Laila Jutras <l.jutras@ugr.gov>

RE: Voluntary Human Extinction program

Dr. Jutras, I am both heartened and challenged by your enthusiasm. Now begins the work. The buy-in of key community members is vital. I propose visiting strongholds in the municipality such as chic cafes, bucolic picnic grounds and gentle churches. Along with your exuberance, a compelling PowerPoint presentation will go far, comprised of simple compare and contrast slides as follows:

1. Decaying Montessori school vs meadow pregnant with flowers;

2. Rusted gazebo vs attractive couple kissing at their outdoor wedding, table laden with smoked salmon, ripe cheeses and dewy grapes; 

3. Crumbling lakeside mansion vs family glamping in [insert country here], fields abound with wildlife [note: research animals most likely to provoke cute aggression].

July 9, 2029

Wilbaum Tilding <director@ugr.gov>

To: Dr. Laila Jutras <l.jutras@ugr.gov>, Dr. Joren Linklater <joren.linklater@ctr4strategicfutures.org>

RE: successful trial run

Drs. Linklater and Jutras, this is indeed a triumph! The events of last weekend will be heralded as the first moments of a new era of hope, planet-wide. In addition to your impeccable planning re: exact dosage, delivery method and means of corporeal removal (a barge being most suitable for lakeside boroughs), I must commend your production design, which was exquisite. I have no doubt it will create perfect images for future brochures and recruitment materials. Of particular note (and admiration) were:

1. Wrought-iron tables and lawn chairs strewn casually about the park, adults chatting before falling inert;

2. Children playing peacefully at marbles and jacks (on the grass, making their collapse much less thump-y); 

3. Babies rolling down the slope to where the grass meets the rocks, their silent chubby bodies growing bronze in the sun.