Jude Rall and Michael Anderson 

PLAYGE! - EXCERPT, SCENE FOUR

Lights up, slowly, as the lights go up the orphanage fills with beeps and boops of a laboratory. Although it maintains its standard ratty appearance, the boys are hard at work making their Lewis- boned creations. Almost like a welding shop, Bliot stands center stage with a piece of cloth around his face and scraps of metal as an eye cover as he violently saws through a femur. Dust spews from his work station. Inversely, Beetleby stands before what appears to be a computer, plugging away at it, it produces beeps and other sorts of electronic noises. With pride he makes a keystroke that produces a louder than usual noise that gets the attention of Roland.

Roland: What be you crafting in that corner Beetleby? It is making noises foreign to mine ears and it draws concern.

Beetleby looks up at Roland with a smirk, Bliot continues to saw.

Beetleby: Well, Roland, this be my Bone Computation Device. With a few simple strokes of this here keyboard, my device can produce any number of simulations through the power of advanced bone-computing! I was able to harvest some of Lewis’ great plasma and use it as the glue that holds this device together!

Roland: What types of simulations do you speak of?

Beetleby: (excited to share) Well, say you stroke upon these keys a question of the plague, the bone computation device shall spit out that an answer to your query and ask for another. Here, for example, ask me a question! I’ll input it to my here system!

Roland looks up and begins to think of a question. While he is doing this, Bliot finishes his sawing and lowers his face covering. Coughing as he does so.

Bliot: I am crafting a sturdy shelf with Lewis’ bones to display his skull

Roland turns to Bliot

Roland: I care not, oaf 

Bliot: I best maybe craft a blade to behead you and your tiny mind.

Roland: I’m a killer Bliot, a real battle-tested killer. Try me not.

Roland quickly turns back to Beetleby.

Roland: Ask it if I would win in a fight against goblin Bliot.

Beetleby: At once!

Beetleby slowly and arduously types in Roland’s question one letter at a time with only his pair of pointer fingers. He looks back up at his question once done typing, and with force, strikes the enter key. The device hisses and beeps. Loud! Then, a prompting beep. Beetleby ushers Roland to look upon the screen, he obliges. He stares in confusion.

Roland: Beetleby, I cannot read. Read it for me.

Beetleby: ‘Yes, Roland would wipe the floor with the goblin being Bliot’

Bliot: Relent! Perhaps if I was armed like he is, now.

Roland: Nothing stops you from crafting a blade with what we have around here.

Beetleby: The machine speaks truth, Bliot.

Roland: Ok.. Now ask it if I should beat… (ponders) Blaster! Should I best Blaster in combat?

Blaster HATES this question, and stands up and walks over to the bone computation device to see the device's query. The same steps of typing as before, a long series of keystrokes and a powerful enter. Beeping, then an answer.

Beetleby hesitates to read it.

Roland: Onward, Beetleby! Recite its prediction.

Beetleby looks up at the pair

Beetleby: I bite my tongue.

Roland: why, you fear to offend me? My ego be not fragile.

Beetleby: (giving in) No, Roland, out of fear of offending the intimidating Blaster. It says here that you would defeat him in combat. But! Let me see if I remove your sword from the equation?

Roland: Diminishing my victory?

Another computation

Beetleby: Still a Roland victory… Perhaps if I remove Roland’s arms from the fight.

Roland: My arms?

Beetleby: Well perhaps if you had no arms Blaster could best you?

Another computation. Beetleby doesn’t even read this answer aloud.

Beetleby: Perhaps if I remove your legs, Blaster would-

Before Beetleby can input another query, Blaster reaches for Roland’s side arm, unsheathing it, and plunging it into the distracted Beetleby with a swift and underwhelming motion.

Beetleby: Ah!

Beetleby swiftly slumps forward, deceased.

Before Blaster can turn to slice at Roland, Roland swipes his blade back and points it at the beast Blaster!

Roland: You slay the Beetle, Blaster. You resemble that of a monster!

Blaster roars, preparing for an attack on his adversary. It’s to be a brawl. But, before any fighting can occur, Bliot whacks Blaster on the head with a half of Lewis’ femur, and Blaster falls to the ground unconscious. 

Roland: I could’ve bested him, Bliot! The device said so!

Cramdore: (from the back) No more bloodshed! Mercy on us!

Roland spills to the floor to look at Beetleby.

Roland: The beast slayed our smart Beetleby! This is but torture! We must tie the beast up before he wakes! Bliot aide me now.

Roland walks to the unconscious Blaster and grabs him by his shoulders, Bliot hesitates but obliges and walks to Blaster’s feet. The pair of boys lift him and set him upon one of the beds.

Roland looks back at Charlemagne and Cramdore who sit idly watching the chaos. 

Roland: You pair! Rise and aid us or be the next victim of Blaster’s brutality.

They rise, and the four orphans begin to strip beds of linens and tie Blaster down to the bed.

Charlemagne: This is ass.

Cramdore: We lost half our brothers now.

Roland: (sad) Sweet Beetleby.

Bliot: (huffing) Ask the computation device if it’s possible to revive dead Beetleby

Roland walks over to the bone computation device, he looks at it puzzled.

Roland: (in a near sob) I know not how to operate the damn thing!

Bliot: You type in the question like Beetleby explained!

Roland: I know not how to .. ‘type’, Bliot!

Bliot stops what he is doing and walks over to Roland, he then looks at the computer, confused.

Bliot: (picking up the keyboard) What the hell?

Roland: Best assume Beetleby is dead! Blaster you foul beast! This king has driven us once brothers to the brink of extinction not because of plague but because of competition! Even if I am capable of felling you, Beast Blaster, doesn’t mean I would. Hath the idea of comedy escape you fools? In what realm was that a comment due to prompt the death of sweet Beetleby! I say the devil infests this orphanage. Our brothers are now half! One lost to madness, Blaster be but a vessel of sin!

Cramdore: The king will not adopt us all, Roland!

Roland: (turning to Cramdore) You listen to feeble Cramdore, a cough on you from someone wrong and you shall perish, and you concern your will with that of living aside the fat king?

Cramdore: Why should I be ashamed to have wants?

Roland: You turn your back on your brothers, you mite! The king cares for no brotherhood, he would bar you from ever returning here even for that of a visit! That is if any of us make it out of this place alive!

Charlemagne: Are we to die?

Bliot walks over to him and hits him. Charlemagne looks up, Bliot hits him again.

Roland: Sure. Die sure.  I perceive us as sinking. Why even remain here?

Bliot: Then why don’t you desert, Roland?

Roland looks at dead Beetleby, then turns to the small Charlemagne and Cramdore.. Then slowly to Bliot

Roland: Even including you, elderly Bliot, these around me are my brothers not by blood but by soul! Shall I turn my back on those I care for? Lest you all wish to depart with me, I dig my feet in the sands of this plague.

Bliot: We know you wish to leave.

Roland: Wish to leave, sure, but shall I? No.

Blaster shifts in his bed, waking. Roland and Bliot’s attention shifts.

Roland: Bliot, arm yourself with Lewis’ femur. The beast rises. Charlemagne and Camdore I request you to retreat to the corner until we confirm Blaster be subdued.

Charlemagne and Cramdore scurry off to the corner, Roland draws his blade and points it to Blaster. Blaster fully wakes, shakes, and groans. He shifts and struggles, he is stuck.

Roland: You’re bound, Blaster. As you deserve.

Bliot: Rotund beast! (to Roland) Disarm him of his rocks, tied to his side.

Roland, with some fear, sneaks down and snatches Blaster’s rocjk pouch. Blaster growls and barks when he does so

Roland: Disarmed so! Rocks, in your possession no more. I say to you, speak for this one time or be bound further.

Blaster looks confused

Bliot: Do as he says, Blaster. I have lived here, my home, many more years than you and yet not a word from thee.

Blaster barks and tries to grasp at his bindings and tear at them. Quickly, Bliot retrieves his femur club and lays one fat smack to Blasters cranium, rendering him unconscious.

Bliot: Let us tie him tighter, the beast shall not escape.

He ushers for Charlemagne and Cranmore to come forth and aid Roland and him in binding Blaster further. Blackout.

Setting the scene: in this section of Playge!, taking place prior to last issue’s scene, the Steward (due to his frustrations over the fruitlessness of the poetry contest (next issue)) has challenged the boys to make an invention out of the bodies of the other dead orphans. In this scene, drama ensues amidst the workshop.

Blaster - Evil beastly boy, about thirteen. Brutish and carries a bag of rocks to chuck at the other orphan boys. Ogreish in nature, he doesn’t speak. Just grunts.

Roland - Knightly. Stoic. Proud. He is a good fighter and perceives himself as very very very virtuous. He carries a sword made of scrap. Often goes on long rambling rants. 

Bliot - The oldest orphan, in fact, he is about thirty-five. Dirty, but adult looking. He doesn’t quite match. A little dumb.

Beetleby - An academic young thing, he is simply a genius

Cramdore - Germaphobe. 

Charlemange - Almost the youngest orphan. Sad and heavyset. Bliot is his main bully.